


Spaces

by c00kie



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 04:18:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6314848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/c00kie/pseuds/c00kie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She's giving herself tonight to be sad. Tomorrow she will throw herself into her campaign, into her job, into the spaces of her life Ben is no longer part of. Based on the prompt: Ben dates Shauna after End of the World.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spaces

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old fic I'm now uploading! YAY!

Leslie hears about it, from all people, Tom. The words, "They were going at it hard," repeat in her head like a broken record, to the point where no other thought can get through.

She declines lunch with Ann and goes home early where she puts on her favorite Sarah Mclachlan album and sits on the couch, holding a pillow to her chest while she cries.

The music eventually stops. She doesn't bother getting up to change it. She just sits in the silence.  
Except it isn't silent. Tom's voice is still loud and clear.

 

Her phone rings. Ann, Ann, Andy, her mom, Ann, Ben, her dentist, an unknown number, Ben, Ann.

Leslie ignores them all.

But then the texts start. All of them are from Ann.

She knows she should answer them, should assure her best friend she's fine, but she can't bring herself to actually do it.

Eventually, she gets up. She goes to the bathroom.

His toothbrush is still beside hers. She stares at it until her eyes cloud over and she can't see it anymore.

Blinking away the tears, Leslie goes to the kitchen where she shotguns a can of whipped cream.

_"You?" His voice is incredulous. "You've really never had sex with this before?" He holds up the can and she shakes her head._

_"Well," he says, squirting a drop onto his thumb, "Let's fix that."_

The weight of the memory makes her collapse onto the floor, holding the empty can in her hand.

Her phone rings again. She screams and throws the can at it.

She wonders if it's possible to run her campaign from her kitchen floor.

Her campaign. Right.

Thinking it might be William or Elizabeth calling, Leslie stands.

It's not. It's Ann again.

She should have put her phone on silent.

A text comes in.

"I'm coming over."

Ann shows up awhile later with a plastic bag. "I brought JJ's."

Leslie tries to smile. "Thank you." Her voice sounds harsh to her own ears. But then the smell of the waffles hits her and her stomach pangs, a reminder she hasn't eaten anything except whipped cream since breakfast.

"Leslie-"

"I'm okay."

Ann's eyes soften and she shakes her head. "No, you're not."

No. She's not. But she's giving herself tonight to be sad. Tomorrow she will throw herself into her campaign, into her job, into the spaces of her life Ben is no longer part of.

 

It's Leslie's luck that she runs into Shauna the next day. She tries to act normal but it's impossible to keep her voice from shaking as she asks what Shauna's doing there.

"Oh, I was here to see Ben."

"Oh?" Leslie asks, trying to keep her nerves in check. "About what?"

Shauna smiles, big and all dimples. "Nothing much. We just hit it off the other night and I was hoping-" Shauna shrugs and Leslie has to remind herself that she doesn't actually hate her and that punching her isn't an option.

"And he said yes?" Of course he said yes. He's single now, Shauna's cute.

"He said he'd call me."

Oh. Well that's as good as a yes, isn't it? Feeling the world crumble below her feet, she makes an excuse to get away and hurries to her office and tries to remember how to breathe.

 

If Leslie could, she would just avoid Ben for the rest of her life. That's impossible though, because 1: He's her boss and 2: She doesn't want to. She wants to be around him. She needs to be near him. Even if she can't touch him or kiss him or really even talk to him about anything other than work. Or maybe not. Maybe they can be friends. And maybe if they're friends, it'll be easier to watch him and Shauna make out and have babies.

_"Kids?"_

_Ben takes a sip of his wine before setting the glass down on the table. "Yes."_

_"How many?"_

_"One? Maybe two?" He shrugs. "What about you?"_

_"At least one," Leslie answers, taking another roll out of the basket. Their eyes meet and she smiles, her stomach warm from something other than the wine and the bread._

 

Chris calls her up to his office at one. On the way, she prays that Ben won't be there. Maybe he'll be in the bathroom or visiting another department.

God, though, is apparently too busy to answer Leslie's prayer, because Ben is at his desk, looking at some papers and frowning at them.

"Hi, Ben." He jumps and she winces, not because she scared him, but for even talking to him in the first place.

"Oh, hi." He doesn't sound happy to see her. He sounds like how she does whenever she runs into someone from high school at the grocery store without any makeup on.

She wonders if she should tell him she knows. "I'm here to see-"

"Leslie Knope!"

She's never been more grateful to hear Chris' voice. "Chris! You wanted to see me?"

"I did, actually!" Chris beams and then looks at Ben. "You ready?"

"Coming," Ben says.

Crap on a ping pong paddle.

 

"I've got it!"

She's pacing Ann's living room, trying to come up with a solution to her problem. "I'll move to Hawaii, make out with a hot bartender who my father believes is just dating me for my money."

"That's the plot of _Cocktail_ ," Ann says. "Also, I don't think that would work."

"Yeah, you're right. Wait, was it Hawaii? There was that song "Kokomo"? Maybe it was there."

Ann frowns. "I'm pretty sure it was Hawaii. I only remember the part where they have sex in the ocean and his best friend dies."

"That was sad," Leslie says, sitting down next to her.

"It was."

"But he gets his bar. And Elisabeth Shue. You know who I am in this scenario? That older woman he sleeps with after he and Shue break up."

"You can't really believe that."

Leslie shakes her head. Really she doesn't know who she is. "I bet they'll go to Hawaii for their honeymoon. He said he wants to go."

"On his honeymoon?"

"It was one of those if you could go anywhere right now conversations."

"Ahh."

Leslie closes her eyes and leans against Ann's shoulder. "What am I going to do, Ann?"

In the space between her question and Ann's answer, the heater kicks on, a woman loses the final round of Wheel of Fortune, and Leslie recites the preamble to The Declaration of Independence in her head.

_"When in the course of human events-" his facial hair scrapes her skin, making her lose her concentration for a minute. His fingers push into her hips, a silent order to keep going,"it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another-" his nose bumps the top of her mound as he lines her with his tongue, making her forget the rest. He stops, eyes opening and meeting hers._

_"Do you want me to keep going?"_

_She nods. That's all she wants._

_"Then continue."_

"I think," Ann says, taking Leslie out of her thoughts, "you should just concentrate on the campaign for now and forget about Ben and what he's doing."

"Oh, Ann, you magnificent wildebeest. I wish that were actually possible."

"Yeah." She nods. "It was either that or you date a bunch of different men like I did when Chris dumped me."

Leslie thinks about it, but the thought of being with another person makes her stomach turn. "I'll just focus on my campaign."

 

She tries it, but then she's asked to run Model UN at Pawnee Central High and knowing how Ben loved Model UN when he was in high school, Leslie has to invite him.

She spends most of the time trying to convince herself she's fine. So okay, they can't date, and he's maybe seeing someone else, but that doesn't mean they can't be friends.

Friends are better.

Boyfriends? Who needs a boyfriend? All they do is love you and marry you.

It doesn't work.

 

Her worst fears are confirmed when she sees Ben and Shauna talking near the shoe shine stand. They're standing close barely any space between them, and he's saying something to her, but Leslie can't make out what it is.

Whatever happens, she's not dancing alone to "Single Ladies" at their wedding.

 

She's holding onto the ledge with one hand, clinging as hard as she can, but then Ben leans over and says he no longer wants to work with her. She loses her grip and falls.

"I'm seeing someone." With just three words, Ben manages to destroy whatever hope Leslie had left.

At least their park is beautiful.

 

"Do you want me to put a raccoon in his car?"

Leslie looks up to see April standing in front of her desk, her finger on top of one of her owls. She thinks about pretending she doesn't know who she's talking about, but she's too exhausted to pretend anymore. "It's okay, April. Really. I'm getting used to the idea."

"I can poison his coffee."

"No poisoning anyone's coffee, April."

"Well, he's a jerk and you deserve better."

Leslie smiles at April's sincerity. "Thank you. But really, he's not a jerk. He's just moved on. That's his right."

"Yeah well, she's a slut."

"Don't say that."

"You want me to break into her house and cut off all her hair while she sleeps?"

For some reason, the offer makes Leslie laugh harder than she has in weeks.

 

"What happened with you and Ben?"

Leslie sighs and looks at her mother. "We broke up."

"Let me guess, he decided to be noble and break up with you so there won't be a scandal."

"Yeah."

Marlene growls under her breath. "Idiot."

"Mom!"

"Well he is! If he's so worried about you getting in trouble because he's your boss, then why doesn't he just find a new job?"

Leslie looks down at the carpet in her mother's office. "I don't think it matters. He's seeing someone else."

"Well now I definitely think he's an idiot. Like he can possibly do better than you."

 

"You know what's really not fair?"

"What?" Ann shouts over the music. It was her idea to go out and have a drink. Or two. Or five.

"His dick."

"His dick's not fair? I thought you said it was good." A guy dancing next to them gives them both a weird look and then smiles and shakes his head.

"It is! That's why it's not fair. I don't get his dick and now Shauna Malway-Tweep does."

Ann points her thumbs down. "Boo."

"You know what you should do, Leslie?" She doesn't know the person talking to her, but she gives him her undivided attention anyway.  
"You should get a new dick and forget all about that old dick. I've got a straight friend I can set you up with."

Ann nods along with him, like it's the best idea she's ever heard.

And, maybe it's because she's thinking about Shauna riding Ben so hard his bed breaks, and the thought is making her want to snap both of them like twigs, she asks, "What's his name?"

 

Leslie leans her head against the wildflower mural and closes her eyes. Bobby Newport's running. She's behind in the polls, the love of her life doesn't want anything to do with her and he's seeing someone else, that someone else once slept with another man Leslie had a thing for, Ann is constantly busy and probably tired of listening to Leslie complain, she can't stop thinking about them having freaky, super sweaty and bendy sex, Bobby Newport will probably win, Ben and Shauna will get married, Leslie will only have her current job and the number for a guy named Alex who, according to her still unnamed gay friend, "is 34 and owns his own tattoo shop."

At least Alex would probably give her a discount on that Eleanor Roosevelt tattoo she's always wanted.

 

She doesn't call Alex. She does, however, practice with William and Elizabeth for the debate.

"Leslie, if elected, what would your first major project be?" William asks just as Leslie's phone rings. It stops ringing though, as soon as she picks it up.

She stares at Ben's name.

"Do you need to call them back?" Elizabeth asks.

"No." He probably just butt dialed her and realized before she could answer. "What was the question again?"

 

"He asked about you."

"Who did?"

"Ben. He asked how you were doing."

"What did you tell him, Ann? You said I'm fine right? Great? Because I am."

"You're not," Ann says, narrowing her eyes, "but yeah, I said you were doing okay."

"Okay? Okay implies I'm not doing okay!"

"Again, you're not."

"Yeah, well, he's not supposed to know that!" Leslie says, just as Ann's phone rings.

"Sorry," Ann mouths before picking up the phone. "This is Ann Perkins," she says, reaching out with her other hand. Leslie takes it and squeezes, then leaves.

 

William and Elizabeth are good. Jennifer Barkley is better. And no matter how many ads they run or stump speeches she gives, Jenn is one step ahead and Bobby has his family and popularity behind him. She's going to lose. She knows it, her team knows it and if their pitying glances are anything to go by, her friends know it.

 

The only time she sees Ben is when she has to talk to Chris. She doesn't say hi, she doesn't look at him, even though she wants to, more than anything.

"He's not in. He went for a run."

"Oh. I'll come back later then."

"Okay," he says, and she's at the doorway when she hears, "is it something I can help with?"

It is, but she's pretty sure this is a test to make sure she doesn't bother him, so she lies. "Nope. Only Chris can help me. Please let him know I stopped by."

"Right. Okay." Ben sounds pissed off, but Leslie doesn't know why. Maybe he's so put off by her presence he's just becomes mad whenever she's around. If that's the case, then fine. She doesn't need him.

She really wishes that were true.

 

"Space, the final frontier," Leslie recites with Patrick Stewart. This is what her life has become; watching her ex boyfriend's favorite show. Or second favorite show. _Game of Thrones_ might actually beat it. She's not sure.

Leslie changes the channel. She might be lonely and sad and pathetic, but watching _Star Trek: the Next Generation_ only makes her picture Ben in one of the uniforms, and the last thing she needs to be is horny.

She's saved from thoughts of riding Ben in the captain's chair by her phone. She's so relieved she forgets to look at the caller id.

"This is Leslie."

"Hey."

She nearly drops her phone. "Um, hi."

There's a pause and she thinks he might have hung up, but there wasn't a click, so she says, "Ben?" as tentatively as possible.

"Yeah."

"Is everything okay? Are Andy and April alright?"

"They're fine. Everything's fine. I just wanted to talk to you."

"Oh. Wait, are you drunk?"

"No." He sounds sober.

"Okay, then we can talk. Um, how are you?" _"I'm great,Leslie," she supplies for herself in her mind, "I'm having super hot sex with a reporter."_

"Fuck," Ben says, and she knows he's rubbing his face with his hand. "I shouldn't have called."

"Then why did you?"

"Because I miss you."

"Oh." She doesn't say she misses him too, even though it's right there, on the tip of her tongue.

"Yeah. Look, I'm sorry for bothering you. Good luck with the debate. Kick his ass." She hears the click, followed by the dial tone.

 

She dreams about going to Ben's house and Shauna answering the door in nothing but the red lace bra and panties set Leslie wore for Ben on their sixth date and saying, "He prefers it on me."

 

She's staring at her computer screen when Donna comes over to her desk. "Get up, girl, we're going to the spa."

"I can't go to the spa, I have to work."

She tries not to cower under the weight of Donna's stare. "I'm not taking no for an answer. You're coming with me now."

Leslie sighs and gets up, grabbing her purse. "Fine, but no acupuncture. It stresses me out."

Donna gives Leslie a strange look that she doesn't miss, but then she smiles like she knows a secret and squeezes Leslie's shoulder as they walk out the door.

They run into Ben and Chris on the way out. Chris, of course, stops them and Leslie goes through the motions, nodding and agreeing with Chris and Donna as they make small talk, but really she's just trying not to look directly at Ben. It's easy enough to do, all she has to do is focus on Chris, pretend every word he's saying is fascinating.

It's not. She has no idea what he's talking about.

She really hopes she's not agreeing that vegetables are good.

Unfortunately, Ben coughs and Leslie glances at him. It's a mistake though, because he's staring at her, with an intensity that makes her heart feel like it's exploding like glass left on a hot stove. But then she snaps, if Ben is going to stare at her, she's going to stare right back. She's not some weak woman who can't look at her ex in the eye. So she looks at him, lets her eyes meet his, silently saying, "Yeah, I'm looking at you, what are you going to do about it?"

She's not expecting him to smile. She's also not expecting to fall deeper in love with him. It makes her blood boil with self directed anger. She's supposed to be getting over him, not wanting to kiss his perfect mouth.

"How's it going?"

"Great," she says, narrowing her eyes at him because she really doesn't understand his behavior. Unless...right of course he's smiling. He probably had sex with Shauna this morning. This is exactly why she needs to get over him. He's over her. "Donna and I are going to the spa."

"The spa?" Chris asks, "How great!"

"I figured Leslie needed it," Donna says.

"You do look rather stressed." Chris frowns. "Are you getting enough vitamins?"

"I'm fine."

"What about sleep?"

_"Wow, you really don't sleep much do you?"_

_She stops sewing and turns to him. His hair is sticking up in all directions and his toes are sticking out from underneath his pajama bottoms. He's so cute, she wants to kiss him all over. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."_

_"Nah, it's okay," he says, voice rough as he sits next to her. "I just missed you."_

_She smiles back and reaches over the side of the couch for an afghan. "Here," she says, handing it to him. Their fingers brush as he takes it, creating a spark beneath her skin. She doesn't know who leans forward first, it doesn't matter._

_She drops her needlepoint onto the floor._

"I'm fine," she repeats, "Donna?"

"We better go," Donna says, to Chris and Ben. "We on for tonight, Batman?"

"Uh, yeah," Ben answers her and Leslie has to look at Chris again to see if he knows what they're talking about, but he looks just as clueless. Leslie swears she isn't going to ask. Ben's life is his life, it doesn't matter, it's none of her business.

She gets all the way to Donna's Mercedes before she bursts. "Why did you call Ben Batman and what are you two doing tonight?"

"You two went out."

"What?"

"Don't lie," Donna says, wagging her finger in front of Leslie's face. "You two went out and then you broke up, I'm guessing because of your campaign."

"I," Leslie starts to come up with an excuse to change the subject, but she can't. Besides, what does it matter if Donna knows? "How did you figure it out?"

"Well, for one thing, you two used to be close, disgustingly close, but then he stopped coming around, and you made a big show just  
then of not looking at him. Plus there's the fact both of you are clearly miserable."

"Ben's not miserable. He's seeing Shauna."

"Actually, they broke up awhile ago."

Leslie knees buckle, making her grateful she's already sitting. "What?"

"You didn't know that?"

She shakes her head, looks out the window at the passing buildings for half a block before she explodes. "No, I didn't know! Do I look like the kind of woman who knows her ex broke up with his girlfriend?"

Donna just sighs. "Uh-"

"I mean I get it, he's not speaking to me and it's none of my business who he dates or doesn't date, so why would he tell me? but one of you could have said something! Like a casual 'oh hey, didn't you hear about Ben and Shauna breaking up? Oh and that's why he's miserable. He broke up with her!'"

Donna pulls into a parking space and turns the engine off. "C'mon, Knope."

She gets out of the car and follows Donna inside, but she's still furious. She keeps her thoughts to herself though, and it's only when Raul puts his hands on her back that she really starts to realize what's bothering her.

_"I've wanted this for a long time," he says, his hands hot and smooth on her back._

_"How long?" she asks, sleepy and blissed out from his touch._

_"Since I met you."_

_"Wow, that's a really long time," Leslie says with a yawn. "Do you want to know how long I wanted you?"_

_Ben's hands move lower down her back. "How long?"_

_Leslie allows a moment to enjoy the smooth heat Ben's fingers are creating. "Since you agreed to help with the Harvest Festival. I mean, I thought you were hot-"_

_"Thanks."_

_"But you were also a jerk, so. But then you said yes to the Harvest Festival and I thought well, maybe he's not all bad. You proved me right."_

_"Turn around," he says, "I need to kiss you."_

The morning after the debate, there's an eclair on her desk. It's early and there's no one else around, and there's no note, but she just knows it's from Ben.

_"Thank you, for the eclair."_

_"You're really welcome," he says, pulling her up to his lips. "But if I had know it was going to get me that, I would have bought you one a long time ago." He draws a line down her face with his thumb. "You're not going to start crying again are you?"_

_She might. He's perfect and she has to break up with him. "Just kiss me, please."_

_He kisses her forehead, then her eyelids, followed by her nose and finally, her lips._

But then, right after she takes the last bite, she wakes up. She has done everything Ben's asked her to. She's given him space. She hasn't tried to contact him at all. And yet here he is, calling her and giving her secret eclairs. Just who does he think he is? Is this his way of apologizing? Can't he just say, 'I'm sorry' like a normal person? What does he expect? For her to run up to his office and drop to her knees? If anyone should be getting on their knees, it's him.

"I'm going to kill him."

"Boss?"

She looks up, realizing she spoke her thought out loud and both Tom and Andy are staring at her. How much time has passed?  
"Andy?"

"Do you need me to kill someone?"

"No, but thank you." Leslie jumps to her feet. She's going to do it herself.

His desk is empty. Not just empty as in he's not there, but all of his things are gone. It's completely bare. She stares at it, unable to comprehend what she's seeing. The door to Chris' office is open, but he's not there.

She takes a deep breath, and focuses on what she knows for sure.

She knows Ben is is no longer seeing Shauna.

But that doesn't mean he's not seeing someone else.

She knows he told her he doesn't want anything to do with her anymore.

He bought her an eclair.

He quit his job.

Or he was fired.

Or worse-

She runs to Ann's office, nearly knocking over Councilman Howser. "Emergency lunch, now!"

"Okay, here's what happened. Ben and Chris got into a fight. Ben stabbed him with a pair of scissors and then he dragged Chris' body to his car and is now driving somewhere he can dispose the body, but wait, you say, what about his desk? Well I'm glad you asked, you see Ben knew the police would suspect him, because they always suspect the business partner, so he took everything from his desk and he's going to destroy it, because they can't arrest him without evidence."

"When's the last time you slept?"

"Tuesday, but wait, if Ben stabbed Chris there would be blood. Obviously this means it happened late last night, so he was able to clean it up. He lives with Andy and April, he's very good at cleaning blood stains."

"Tuesday. Leslie, it's Friday."

"Is it?"

"Yes, and also I'm banning you from watching any more _Law and Order_."

"Okay." Leslie's not listening though.

"Now eat and then I'm taking you home and you're going to sleep."

"Fine, but only because I'm seeing two of your beautiful face."

Ann sighs. "Yeah, okay."

It's dark out when Leslie wakes up. She lays in her bed for a few minutes, tries to calm the voices in her head. Tom, Ben, Shauna, Chris. All of them repeating Leslie's worst fears.

It's only because her bladder feels full that she gets up.

His toothbrush is still on her sink. She should throw it away. But she can't.

To Leslie's surprise, Ann's on her couch, reading. "You stayed."

"Of course I did." Ann smiles. "Oh, that came for you."

Leslie stares at the giant bouquet of wildflowers on her counter. She walks over and breathes it in, and it smells heavenly. Seeing a card, she pulls it out, half expecting it to be unsigned like the eclair, but, "Good Luck, From Ben Wyatt" is typed on.

It's nothing. It's just what the card says. A good luck bouquet. It's a friendly gesture, nothing more and yet she can't help the butterflies in her stomach.

"Do you want to order Chinese food and watch _Friday Night Lights_?"

Ann smiles and picks up her phone. "I'll call."

 

She's on drink number she's lost count because who needs to count how many drinks you've had when you were just elected onto city council? She's given her speech, thanked everyone she needed to thank, hugged everyone she wanted to hug, high fived a few people, and now she's celebrating.

"Ann, you beautiful snow crab, I couldn't have done this without you." She doesn't mean the election, and both of them know that. Ann just nods and hugs her though, before pulling back.

"I made out with Tom."

"Great!" Leslie says, before realizing what Ann just said. "Wait, no. None of that. Find someone else. Someone who won't take a benadryl to dull his sensitivity and make you listen to "On Bended Knee" as a seduction."

Ann pulls a face. "Yeah, you're right. What about you? How are you?"

"I'm fine," Leslie says, meaning it for the first time in almost a year. "I won right? So it was all worth it. And I'm totally cool. He can do whatever and whomever he wants."

Ann makes the same face as before. "Uh."

"Meanwhile, I'm going to go to the hotel kitchen and see if there's anything to eat. If I'm not back in thirty minutes, come find me."

"You got it."

The kitchen is blessedly unlocked and empty and there's a plate of brownies out so Leslie jumps on the counter and unwraps the tray and picks one off and takes a large bite.

She sits, kicks her feet to the beat of Mouse Rat playing in the ballroom, eats four brownies and sings along to "Sex Hair," even though she's not sure if that's really what they're playing.

The doors push open and he walks in, looking as Dolly Parton described, "Better than a body has a right to."

"Hello."

"Hi." She points to the tray of brownies. "Brownie?"

"Thanks," he says, coming over to take one. "What are you doing here?"

"Hiding. You?"

"Looking for you. I wanted to tell you congratulations."

"Thanks. I'm sorry about you and Shauna." It's strange, but she actually means it. No matter how crazy stupid in love with him she still is, she wants him to be happy. And if Shauna makes him happy, then, well. Ben doesn't reply though. He just sort of looks at her like she's grown two heads. "You're supposed to say thank you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, no." Oh god this isn't happening. "Donna said you two broke up. Was she wrong? Did she lie? Or did you two get back together?"

"No, we broke up," he says, still giving her that look. "Months ago. I think you might have the wrong idea about our relationship though."

"Oh, I think I have exactly the right idea."

He crosses his arms and narrows his eyes. "Really?"

She jumps off the counter. "Look, Ben, I don't appreciate your attitude. I'm giving you my blessing to go make out with Shauna and have babies, not that you need it, but there you go." She moves to leave, but he grabs her arm and spins her back. She crashes into his chest and doesn't even have a chance to gasp before he's kissing her. Leslie stills, unable to function as he holds her head in his hands.

Then he breaks the kiss, takes his hand away and steps back, exhaling.

She doesn't know how much time goes by. Time actually seems irrelevant at the moment. All she knows is she's just achieved her greatest dream, and her lips are still tingling.

"You kissed me."

_"Uh oh."_

_"Uh oh?"_

_"You kissed me."_

_He smiles, tucks her hair behind her ear. "I did. I'm not sorry about it either."_

_"I didn't think you would be." Leslie smiles and leans up to kiss him again. Rules or rules, she has to kiss that beautiful face._

"I did."

"But-"

"I don't want your blessing. You know what Shauna was? She was a drunken one night stand I tried to make into something real because I thought-" He shakes his head- "But it didn't work. I tried to move on. I really did. But I realized I'm far too in love with you to do that."

A wave of nausea that has nothing to do with all the alcohol she's consumed tonight rolls through her. Of all the things she expected Ben to say, this doesn't even crack the top ten. "You love me."

"I've always loved you. I never stopped."

She closes her eyes. This isn't happening. She just got to a place in her life where she can say she's okay in the mirror and almost believe it, and now he's telling her he loves her? That he's always loved her?

"Drink this." She takes the glass of water from him and slowly sips on it until the nausea lessens. Then she throws the remaining liquid  
into Ben's face.

"I deserved that."

"You jerk!"

He grabs a towel off the wall and wipes off his face. "I know. I'm sorry."

Leslie's not sure why, but all of her anger leaves in that moment. She wants to be mad at him, she knows she has every right to be, but seeing him wet and sad only makes her want to hold him forever.

"You fucked another woman to hurt me."

She hears his sharp intake of breath before the long exhale."Yeah."

"And then you told me to leave you alone forever."

"Yeah, that was a huge mistake. And you know I didn't want it and I wanted to take it back as soon as I said it, but then, I don't know, I figured you deserved better."

She files that away for the moment. "You made me believe you were madly in love with her."

"I never did that."

"Well, I thought you were so I'm still blaming you."

He smiles. "Okay. I tried you know, to talk to you. I wanted nothing more than to just go up to you and say hey, Leslie, let's say screw it." Her stomach clenches at him using the same exact words she did. "but there was the campaign and our jobs and I wasn't about to risk you getting fired or losing the election."

"My mother is right, you are too noble. And dumb."

Ben shrugs. "Yeah. I realized that too. So the night of the debate, I called Chris and gave him my resignation. The next day I stopped by Doug's Donuts and then went and packed up my office. That uh, accounting firm hired me on the spot."

"Why did you quit?" She knows, and he's already said it, but she needs to hear it again.

"Because I'm in love with you."

She forgives him in that instant, but she lets a beat pass before stepping into his personal space. "Prove it."

Ben sighs in relief as he grabs her by her waist and pulls her in, kissing her like his life may depend on it, but then he stops. "I'm sorry," he whispers against her lips while he picks her up and places her back on the counter, his nose bumping hers before his lips meets hers again for a languid kiss that feels like it lasts for days. She reaches around, needing to feel his hair between her fingers. "So fucking sorry." He peppers kisses down her neck, his hands running up and down the sides of her body, pulling her blouse out of her skirt, fingers grazing her skin. He stops though, his lips lingering on her collar bone, fingers on her spine. "God you smell good."

She takes a breath, trying to calm her heart, though it refuses to stop its rapid beating against her chest. She wants to remember this moment forever, needs to memorize every detail. This year has been nothing but hell. She's felt like was spinning off into space, but now she's back on Earth, grateful that her path has lead her here, to this place, with Ben. "Thank you. Now please take off my pants and get to work."

Ben chuckles. "Yes, Madame Councilwoman."

The door swings open at that moment and Ann comes in, waving a bottle of wine in the air. "Leslie I came to find you like you- Ben."

"Hi, Ann."

She gestures at the two of them with the bottle. "Are you two making up?"

"We are," Ben answers but it's not until Leslie nods that Ann throws her arms in the air.

"Thank god! You were both driving me crazy! How's Leslie doing? He's screwing Shauna. Are you screwing Shauna?"

"No."

"Good. Because I'd beat you with this if you were. I'm gonna get a cab home. You two have fun. Call me tomorrow after you wake up, but not too early. Ben?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell Leslie she's Elisabeth Shue."

He doesn't even argue with her. Even though he most likely has no idea what Ann's talking about, he still looks Leslie right in her eyes and says, "You're Elisabeth Shue."

"Just kiss me."

He does, cupping her chin in his hand and gently sliding his lips across hers. He pulls back again though. "Actually, you know what, I don't want to do this here. You deserve better than a quickie in a hotel kitchen. Let me take you home."

Leslie smiles and agrees, letting Ben help her off. They lace their fingers together and it's this, this simple gesture, that truly tells her this is really happening and not just a dream..

She falls on her bed, their clothes scattered throughout her house, with a giggle that's quickly swallowed by Ben. She missed this so much, the weight of his body on hers, the weight of his kiss. She feels it all the way into her bones as he maps her body with his hands, as he kisses and licks and bites his way down her body, pausing at her breasts to tell them how much he missed them. He does it the whole way down, tells her how much he missed her; her chest, her skin, her freckles, her tummy, but then he pushes her thighs apart and bites the inside of her leg, hard enough that she comes up off the bed.

"Ben!"

He presses his lips against her and inhales. "Fuck. I missed you so much."

He doesn't wait for her go ahead. He just spreads her apart and uses his mouth and fingers to slowly make every nerve in her body feel like it's exploding. He keeps one hand on her, holding her down when she starts to squirm from the pleasure overload.

Except then she has the mental image of him doing this to Shauna and she can't take anymore. "Stop." She pushes his head until he does, confused and blinking at her.

"What's wrong?"

Her stomach turns, from jealousy, from hurt, from guilt. "I can't stop thinking about you and her and I just…" She stops, shakes her head. "I'm sorry. I know I have no right to be jealous. We were over it's not like you cheated or anything-"

"Leslie." He sits up on his knees, offering her his hand to help her sit up. She takes it, crosses her legs and puts a pillow on her lap.

"You have every right to be jealous."

His words, while spoken with soft sincerity, do little to make her feel better.

"Ask me about it."

"What?"

"It was bad."

She stares at him for a minute, her stomach and constricting. "Don't lie to me."

"I'm not. It was bad. I was drunk and it was clumsy and, okay you know how when you don't want to do something so you put in the bare minimum of effort possible? I was honestly surprised she called me."

"Wow." It's the only thing she can say. She knows Ben's history, and given her own experience with him, it's hard to believe he would ever carelessly fuck a woman without caring about her pleasure. It does, however, make sense that Shauna would still want to be with him. Ben's worst is probably some other man's best. She stares down at the pillow. "I believe you."

"Thank you."

She nods. Part of the knot in her stomach is gone, but the picture in her head is still ugly. "Lay down."

He does, but not before grabbing her hair and kissing her hard enough to bruise her lips. She sighs, grateful for the pressure. She's even more grateful when he falls on his back and says, "Whatever you need."

What she needs is an exorcism.

She settles between his legs, takes him into her hand and strokes. She listens to every moan, every sigh and groan as she caresses him. She watches his eyes as they shut tight when she takes him into her mouth. She doesn't ask if Shauna did this, because really she doesn't care. She's not chasing the real Shauna, she's chasing the Shauna in her mind. He reaches for her, grabbing her hair as she swallows him down. He hits the back of her throat and she pulls back, but then does it again, determined.

"Les. I'm going to cum-"

She lets him go with a pop. "No you're not," she says, straddling him. She lines herself with him and then sinks down, bottoming out with a sigh. Placing her hands on his chest, she sits for a moment, their eyes open and connected while she silently celebrates the way he feels inside her.

"I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, baby." His voice is rough like gravel and it sends her into overdrive. She rolls her hips, eyes closed as she finds the right angle and speed He runs his hands down on her arms, up her stomach, cups her breasts in his hands and massages them, making her back arch. She feels hot and full all at once.

But then he sits up and wraps his arms around her back and pulls on her bottom lip with his teeth before resting his forehead against hers. She locks her legs around him and rocks her hips in time with his, their lips occasionally catching. She leans forward, pulls on his earlobe with her teeth, making him push his fingers into her skin.

Being here, in his lap, breasts crushed against his chest, his hands holding her, guiding her, as if he knows exactly what she's after, is the best feeling in the world.

Well second best. She did win tonight.

"Make me cum." She's close, so close, she just needs that extra push.

"You got it," he says, flipping them over.

It doesn't take long, for either of them, but he gives her exactly what she wants. He kisses her hard, fucks her hard enough that she nearly blacks out. It almost hurts, but it doesn't, not really. It's pleasure so good, so intense, that when she falls, she falls hard.  
Just like she fell for him.

_"So, who was your first? Was it Cindy?"_

_Ben chuckles and places a chocolate dipped strawberry on Leslie's lips. She snaps at it with her teeth, biting into the ripe fruit. "No.  
Cindy and I never had sex. My first was my uh, closest girl friend at the time, Poppy."_

_She swallows. "Awww. Mine was with Louis, he was a junior and I was a sophomore."_

_"I'm jealous."_

_"Don't be. He was a jerk and didn't know what he was doing."_

_"I didn't know what I was doing either. None of us do. We hope you do but since girl's are taught to be passive in bed and let the dude do everything, it's bad for everyone. Another?"_

_"Yes please."_

 

"You kept my tooth brush."

Leslie closes her book and looks over to see Ben standing in her bathroom door, holding his toothbrush.

"Yeah. I couldn't throw it away. I know that's weird and creepy, I guess I should hoped you would come back and would need it."

He disappears for a second but then he comes back, without the toothbrush, and sits on the bed next to her. "I still have that picture of us on my wall."

"You do?"

He takes her fingers into his hand and lifts it up, kissing the back. "Yes. Leslie, I told you, I'm in love with you. Last year, it was-"

"Hell."

"Yes. And I don't know about you, but I don't ever want to do that again."

She laughs. "No."

"Good, so here's what I think we should do. We should go to sleep, and tomorrow we're going to go have breakfast at JJ's together and I'm going to kiss you in public where everyone can see, and then I'm going to tell Chris the real reason I quit, and you and I are going to date."

"Date?" Leslie asks, "You mean like casually-"

"Hardcore dating. You're mine and I'm yours and that's just how it is."

"Okay. So hardcore dating."

"Yes, and eventually I'm going to marry you, Leslie Knope."

It's this promise, said with such clear conviction like he's saying the sun is hot or the ocean is made of water or Pawnee is the greatest place in the world, that truly makes her insecurities go away. She knows it's not going to be easy, there will be fights, things brought up that will need to be discussed and worked through. She'll worry she's not enough, but she also knows that when Ben says this is forever, he means it.

She can finally sleep.


End file.
